How the hell did my Mom do it???

Growing up, I never remember having to hunt through the laundry basket for a pair of clean underwear... I don't remember my mother ever once frantically digging through a metric ton of laundry to try and find me a pair of matching socks as I slowly came closer to being late for school with each passing second...

Was there a constant pile of laundry in the hallway? No. Was the counter covered in a month's worth of junk mail and store advertisements that has yet to be gone through? No. Did my mother suddenly scream out in the middle of breakfast, "Oh my God, did we forget to do your homework last night?!?" Most certainly not. I seem to recall her totally having it together.

I, on the other hand, have been at this "home-making" gig for quite some time now and I feel like I have yet to get the hang of it. I can't tell you how many times I have looked myself in the mirror and thought, "What the hell?!? I look like a grown up!!!" Quickly followed by the near panic attack inducing realization that I am, in fact, a grown up, and not only that but I am somebody's mother... Two somebodies as a matter of fact, not to mention the man of the house that seems to require quite a bit of attention as well. People's lives literally depend on me. Oh my God. OH MY GOD!!! Help!!! Does anyone have a paper bag?!?

I try. Lord knows I do, but no matter how organized, how caught up I feel like I am, how many hours I spend in a day, there is always something that I haven't gotten done. I can never seem to remember it all, keep up with it all, or have everything all in its place all at the same time. As a matter of fact, as we speak, there are two huge piles of laundry sitting unfolded on top of the dryer, my house is a bit messy, my husband's sock drawer is empty, both my kid's rooms need cleaned, and I won't even get into what my own room looks like... Also, I should probably unload the dishwasher.

Why is it so hard?!? I can't understand for the life of me what is so complicated about keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and all the kid's stuff organized. I just don't have it in me, I guess. My natural inclination is toward utter chaos and I can only fight it to a certain point. Plus, my children (the little one in particular) literally follow me around the house as I clean destroying any semblance of order I tried to create... And my husband? How do we put this delicately? Um... Let's just say he loves nothing more than shaving in the nice clean (20 minutes of scrubbing, thank you very much!) bathroom sink or cooking a gourmet meal (aka messiest meal he can conceive of) on my nice clean stove.

Insert gigantic world-weary sigh here. Also, picture me with big dark circles under my eyes and my hair standing on end.

I think the reason my inability to keep things in order bothers me so much is because I feel like I am working the 24/7 shift and just barely keeping things from falling apart at the seams. I am holding onto organization with just the tippy tips of my fingers and it is fighting like a marlin (um, that's a saying, right?) trying to get away from me. I mean, I am a grown up (where's that paper bag???), yet I don't feel like one, nor am I quite pulling off at least acting like one.

I wonder if my kids will make fun of me behind my back when they're teenagers and tell all of their friends how hopeless I am... And say they wish I was more like their friend's Mom because at least they never ran out of clean socks.

Again, world-weary sigh.

I guess all I can say is that they have a disorganized mom but they are happy and healthy, super cute, charming, smart, clean, well-dressed, and always have their hair fixed. I know I'm doing something right (or at least partially right)... And maybe someday I will actually get the hang of this whole thing... Perhaps I just need another 10 years or so of practice?

Until then, I will just have to resign myself to the fact that I will always be forgetting something and my house will never f-ing (Mom, I know you read this so I censored that just for you even though I was thinking the actual word ♥) be clean.